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I was born into a famiy who, generally, has the attitude of "we don't talk about that" when it comes to hard-to-talk-about issues, topics that are taboo or, to some, make a person, or the family look weak or tarnished. It took me a very long time to overcome this 'excuse' to look the other way and to remain silent, and sometimes to be honest, I still find it challanging. There are days where I have felt like I am in the wrong for speaking out about my sexual assault and the mental health issues that followed as a result. There have been days where I have thought that maybe if I didn't say anything, maybe then my family wouldn't be so divided. If I don't talk about it, maybe there wouldn't be such a heaviness or awkwardness when family members are around me, as if that burden is somehow mine to bare. But then I play the No More Excuses PSA's and I am reminded why I can't hide behind that excuse and why it is not my job to elevate the uncomfortableness some feel when these topics are brought to light.
Starting from the day I was first assaulted, my life spiraled into a deep dark pit. I remained silent about that assault and no one, including my family, had any idea what was happening to me. When I had made the decision to change aspects of my life in order to get better, I had a family member who I loved deeply tell me I was a disgrace to the family. That was the last words she ever said to me before getting sick and heartbreakingly passed before the truth could be revealed.
Years later, after disclosing my assault, I only had one or two members of my family/family friends acknowledge what I had just bared. (To those few, I can't tell you how much it meant to me, thank you) But I do know many others were talking about it to each other in the form of gossip, or the "Omg did you see what she said now!" conversation. Many felt comfortable talking to each other about what I had wrote, but hardly anyone wanted to talk to me about it. After posting about my assault on my blog, I saw hit after hit of people clicking on my blog to read what I had wrote, people wanted to read to feed their curiosity, but no one wanted to talk about it. No one sent me messages, hardly anyone showed their support. And this all adds to the attitude, the excuse of "we don't talk about that". Because I no longer follow this rule, I am alienated, I am treated like I have the plague, I no longer fit in and many feel like they can no longer talk to me.
However, after all the hardships I have faced in talking about this issue, after all the shame and the disappointment, I know that it is worth it.
I am breaking the chain of excuses that run in this family, I am breaking the "we don't talk about that" excuse. I am saying No More.
During times that I have shared my story, that I have gone out and advocated for survivors, that I have shown others that they are not alone and that they can get better, I am shown that it is so very worth it. To hear from a fellow survivor, "thank you for sharing your story, you've inspired me to seek help and break my silence", that is without a doubt worth all the heartache and hardship that come along with bearing my survivor label.
No More "We Don't Talk About That"!
To any survivors that are going though, or have gone through similar situations, I am sorry. There are others out there who accept you and love you and think it's incredibly honorable and brave to share your story. You are not defined by what happened to you, being a survivor does not make you any less valuable. You are so strong and you are worthy of love and support. Anyone who thinks otherwise is in the wrong and are simply acting from fear. You are stronger than they are. Never shrink yourself to accommodate their fear of talking about these issues.
Join me and say, 'No More "we don't talk about that".
No more excuses.
No more silence.