No tags yet.
Today marks one year since I got my last tattoo, my semi-colon.
Today is also the day I attend the second annual It Takes Two gala benefiting my local sexual assault centre.
It's been a long year of reflection and of doing the brutally hard work of healing.
My semi-colon tattoo has a great variety of means to me, but the most literal is my survival from suicide. Many years ago, on halloween night, my suicidal thoughts became more than just thoughts.
This is the road I laid my body down on hoping to never get back up again. I did not want to live to see another day. I was found before a vehicle could take my life. I was brought inside with a lot of resistance and screaming on my end, and I was carried upstairs into a bedroom. I saw a window and tried to open it so I could jump, but I was not strong enough. Finally my body gave up, I slumped to the floor in a sobbing broken mess, falling unconscious from alcohol and drugs.
By the grace of god, I made it through that night.
"Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain Running on empty so out of gas Thought I wasn’t enough Found I wasn’t so tough Layin’ on the bathroom floor We were living on a fault line And I felt the fault was all mine Couldn’t take it anymore
By the grace of God (there was no other way) I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay) I put one foot in front of the other And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way"
- By The Grace Of God; Katy Perry
Here I find myself many years later. Life is still has plenty of dark days for me and I have to fight every night, but what is different is now I have a found a reason to stay and that reason is to help others find life after the semi-colon. This evening I will be attending a gala to support survivors. This is a night where I will feel most alive, with passion burning through my veins.
This is what I live for,
this is what I breathe for.
I know the depths of despair, I know the loneliness, I know the fear, the shame, the isolation. But I also know the joy, the support, the love and the healing.
It get's better, there is life after that semi-colon, just be brave enough to reach for it. My hand is stretched out and ready for you.
I am alive,
I am here because,
It Takes Two.