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In the midst of all the headlines of sexual assault cases lately, our (not so secret) dirty little secret on how survivors are treated in our society is front and center, but have you even noticed?
Think about all the major headlines recently of sexual/domestic violence cases (there are a lot!). Take Ray Rice, Stephen Collins or Jian Ghomeshi for example. All of these cases have something in common, a rape myth being perpetuated by our societal conversations. "Why didn't the victim come forward till now?", "Why did the victim never go to the police?". In all of these cases, the victims have become the center of attention, their stories picked apart and their credibility questioned instead of the focus being on the perpetrator and the wrong they have done. This doesn't just happen with major cases in the headlines, it happens with virtually all cases of sexual/domestic violence. We are getting this conversation wrong and it's time that we start getting this right.
Victims often do not come forward because they do not have a safe space to do so.
I was raped and I never reported, here's why,
Fear.
Blame.
Shame.
I was told no one would care, no one would believe me and it would be better if I just stayed silent. I believed it because I saw it happening to others. These threats weren't empty ones and I knew it. Take Steubenville for example, the young girl who was victimized in this case was vilified and re-victimized by societies reaction, headlines were everywhere calling this victim a slut, how she asked for it because of what she was wearing, it was her fault because she was drunk, etc etc etc. Whereas the boys who assaulted her were shown compassion and support. "These boys had their whole lives ahead of them", "This girl just ruined their chances at a football career, those poor boys.". Does no one else see the serious problem with how survivors of sexual violence are treated? How our conversations around these cases can impact future survivors from coming forward? How dare anyone question a survivors credibility if they did not report what happened to them right away, or maybe not at all. Look at how they are treated!
What a double standard!
A survivor is criticized, blamed and shamed when they choose to not report what happened to them, but a survivor is also criticized, blamed and shamed when they do come forward.
So tell me, if you were a survivor, would you feel safe in coming forward and reporting what happened to you?
So, instead of criticizing victims for not coming forward, take that time to help make this world a safer place for them to do so. Listen to survivors, believe them and respect the choices that they make. Stop being a bystander. If you are doing nothing about this problem, you are part of the problem. Know the facts and speak out. Speak up for survivors.
